7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
New International Version (NIV)
I have a whole month's supply of Lemons. If you're interested, stop by and I'll give you a really sweet lemonade :) I have received lemons before and knew what to do with it but sometimes I get too much to handle that I begin to wonder if the lemons will ever stop coming!! If things happen all at once, it is so easy to get confused and distorted --- that's why my mom's saying is SO helpful - "Take One Day at a Time". Well I didn't heed to that advice and I'm sorry I didn't. I do think I handled myself rather well and was feeling indifferent on some issues but I didn't separate those issues. I kind of made a lemon peanut butter pie when it should've been a lemon meringue, unomsayin?
Today I am trying to throw out my feelings on the table and see if I want to keep some of them or toss it away before I move on with my day. So there it is.
My feelings about a divorce that happened in May. It is risky to talk about this since I am not sure who is reading this blog but all I have to say is that it is their business and I worry about them. Most of all I worry about how this affects my husband. I've had a nice talk with him and he seems to be used to it unfortunately and knows how to deal with it but he worries too. We both agree to support and try our best not to get involved. Space is important. We are trying to figure out when to see them too so we can get a visual image of how they are REALLY doing. Its hard to tell over phone, text and emails. So we are not gonna worry about it until we know what really is happening.
My grandmother's death - the day after we found out about the divorce. That was something. I have to give you a small background information. She was a difficult woman to love and get along with for my mother. I know my mom cares about grandma and I know grandma cared about her but it was hard for her to maintain an unhealthy relationship with her. Fortunately, my grandma came to her senses and decided to clear up with air with my mother and APOLOGIZE. I am feeling very happy and at peace with her. She had a hard life and she is in a better place with God and we all feel liberated because of that. We forgave her and let her go to be with God.
I don't think it's a coincidence that she died THAT particular weekend. First of all, my mom had a dream from her father hinting that she was going to pass on in the spring which she did. Then the divorce happened that weekend. I may not have experience PARENTS getting divorced but I have experienced being divorced from my mom's family. It reminded me how important it is to forgive and have a healthy relationship with your family in best way possible.
Now, My husband has decided out of the blue to throw himself to the ground where he would break his two elbows and a wrist for his softball team at work. I reminded him that it was not the world series and that I thought he was overdoing it. He agreed. My darling husband, I love him with all of my hearts - I love his faults and his strengths. He makes my world go around a little faster than it should. Accidents do happen whether it was intentional or not. Life goes on. We go to the ER and take care of everything and of course I am thinking about ALL the bills and co-payments that we might be getting in the mail that will make my heart race and sweat profusely. I then will probably need to be admitted to the ER for myself. You know what? I'll let God take care of the bills for me and take care of Gil's broken elbows and wrists. It was never in my control. I just need to learn how to control my feelings/attitude towards it. I'm now happy that his surgery is over with and that he is recovering nicely and I hope it stays that way. I will take one day at a time with his frustrations on his limitations.
Also, another thing happened, I have been resenting a friend of mine and it has been bothering me. Everybody is different so there are a different ways to approach to people. Some people are easy to approach where you can say what's on your mind and I'm grateful for those friends. Some people are not easy to approach because you can sense their defensiveness. I thought about addressing the issue with her but I have decided not to because she was probably under stress and I know how that can affect people so instead of taking her awkward comments personally, I have decided to let it go. There are some people I have decided I want to invest and become closer with and there are some people that I have decided not to. I shouldn't be hard on myself for not investing in them. I will respect the person no matter what. I have learned to use my sense of humor and just let it go. I can't be best friends with everyone but I can be a good person to everyone.
So now you know how my lemons taste. It could've been a lot worse,but you know what it's not. My husband is here with me -- healthy and can function everyday that most people cant. I'm healthy and safe. My parents and family and friends are healthy and safe. What we don't realize that every day is a miracle it is truly a gift to live in the PRESENT. A present from God is His grace that he gives us to be able to live through every day.
Thank you God for being in my life and for turning lemons into lemonade.