Friday, April 8, 2011

The Blame Game

Yesterday, I  had an emergency meeting at work that was talking about preparing for a shutdown in our agency. This has been going on for a while. When I first heard about the shutdown at the beginning (March) first I have to admit, I was nervous and freaking out. Then I turned to God for help and gave him all of my burdens and I haven't been feeling stressed out since then. Until yesterday, the meeting has gotten me upset again, I texted my good friend and we both prayed together. I needed that and all of my worries slowly lifted back up to God again. Thank goodness I had a long commute home because by the time I got home, I was fine!

For those who don't know, I'm a democrat and my husband is a republican. From that, you should know that there is always fire going on between us, it does make our marriage very exciting :)   I absolutely adore my husband, he is a sweetheart with the most beautiful soul that God has ever given him. We both have our disagreements, who doesn't!?  We both have learned to agree to disagree but in this case, we both believe that both parties are at fault. They are so blinded by how this is affecting the American people and is using this for their self interest for the elections for next year, come on! I'm tired of hearing them blame each other. I'm tired of anybody pointing fingers at each other.  Have we all learned that it doesn't get us anywhere??

So after my discussion with my husband, I decided to go back to reading the book "Everything Belongs", I am now on Chapter Four. Of course, I'm not surprised, this is what I found in the book. I know I didn't read this by accident. God knew when it was the right time for me to read this chapter.

"It's so easy, too easy to demonize the other side. We see it written large in elections in this country. All either party knows how to do is attack the other side. I don't know how much contemplation our national political leaders do. They probably don't know about it. But it is dangerous to have public officials who have no inner life. They'll operate out of illusion, self-interest, power, and fear, especially fear of not being reelected. We don't have anything positive to believe in, anything that is enlightened or rich or deep. Negative identity, shallow as it is, comes more easily than dedicated choice. It is frankly much easier to be against than to be for." pp 107

"We also live too much in reaction to others. There is something strangely sweet about negative or accusatory feelings. It's a strange way to achieve moral superiority: to feel right because someone else is wrong. We keep thinking until we've maneuvered ourselves into a position over somebody else. Now we've got righteous control over somebody else, but we have nothing beyond that control. It is another dead end." pp 109.

We need to stop focusing on who's right and who's wrong, it's hurting us. We also need to stop focusing on being the "best" and show humility.    "The Gospel is not a competing idea. It's that by which we see all ideas in proper context. We believe as Christians that Jesus has given us the ideal eyes by which to see the real nature of reality. He does NOT LEAD with his judgements. When we lead with our judgements, we can't see correctly. When we lead with fear, we can't see correctly. That doesn't mean that at a later time where there isn't an appropriate point for a cautionary response of judgements, but we can't lead with them. If we lead with the calculating mind, we'll never get to love.     God refuses to be known except by love." pp.95

Have you ever felt that you're always right? or think that you're right? Or become annoyed with someone who thinks that they are always right? Judge them for judging us?  Or try to make others feel guilty? Or make others think the way we think?  

It can be frustrating to me who says that they accept you who you are but yet, tries to change you. We need to remember that no matter how controlling, rude, hypocritical, convincing that they are, we should not feel obligated to follow them. We also should not blame them no matter how difficult they may be. We need to remember to "love thy neighbor" and "to forgive as God as forgiven you".  All they want is a reaction out of you, it's wrong but it's worse when you give it to them. God wants us to be who we are and respect others for their uniqueness too.

Sometimes groupthink can be is easy to follow what others believe because you want to be respected and have their approval.  The only approval we should be seeking from is God's.

                                              TRUST YOURSELF

"Jesus tells us in the Gospels 'Don't be afraid'. He is saying it is radically okay. You can trust yourself because God trusts you, using your journey, your experience. Nothing will be wasted; all has been forgiven; nothing will be used against you. In fact, God will even use your sins to transform you!" pp. 129.


  1. It is very true that people continue to try change others but we shouldn't waste our time doing that. We are the only ones that can change is ourselves when we think we want to or feel the need to change. However, you wouldn't change if no one point out what you do need to change. Sometimes we need a push to change, sometimes we need someone to back off and allow me to change.

    It is very interesting that you and Gil are different with political. I am not into political so I am not on either side. Believe it or not I have never VOTE and I don't care if people think I'm horrible for not voting. I do not want to vote if I don't understand politics.

    I like your blog :)

  2. Hey, Amanda, I just got home from an awesome weekend with my daughter. It was frenetic but I feel so blessed to have such wonderful daughters.

    It is amazing that these politicians came to some agreement. I know God is watching over you and Gil even though you have a different political perspectives. Tomorrow the frustration of work will seem minor when you know you are still working. I am so happy that things came together.


  3. Amanda, I just found this from Richard Rohr written in 12/05. This is so true for me:

    "Contemplation happens to everyone. It happens in moments when we are open, undefended, and immediately present. ~ Dr. Gerald May

    I am just like you. My immediate response to most situations is with reactions of attachment, defensiveness, judgment, control, and analysis. I am better at calculating than contemplating. Let’s admit that we all start there. The false self seems to have the “first gaze” at almost everything.

    On my better days, when I am “open, undefended, and immediately present,” I can sometimes begin with a contemplative mind and heart. Often I can get there later and even end there, but it is usually a second gaze. The True Self seems to always be ridden and blinded by the defensive needs of the false self. It is an hour by hour battle, at least for me. I can see why all spiritual traditions insist on daily prayer, in fact, morning, midday, evening, and before we go to bed prayer too! Otherwise, I can assume that I am back in the cruise control of small and personal self-interest, the pitiable and fragile “richard” self.

    The first gaze is seldom compassionate. It is too busy weighing and feeling itself: “How will this affect me?” or “How does my self image demand that I react to this?” or “How can I get back in control of this situation?” This leads us to an implosion, a self pre-occupation that cannot enter into communion with the other or the moment. In other words, we first feel our feelings before we can relate to the situation and emotion of the other. Only after God has taught us how to live “undefended,” can we immediately stand with and for the other, and for the moment. It takes lots of practice. Maybe that is why many people even speak of their “spiritual practice”?"


  4. I understand. I am the same way. Our habits that we are born with are terrible. It is our body's nature to sin so that's why it's our first response. Our soul can help us with that. We have to trust our soul to help us overcome with it.

    That's true about spiritual practice, I guess it helps us to be more in touch with our inner self, heart and soul where God is and bring it out. It's the same concept as working out. In the gym, they use weights as tools to make their physical shape stronger. We have to use the Bible, God, spiritual rituals, to make our soul stronger that it shows through us that it will be even harder to sin. Once we get into Heaven we don't have to worry about that at all!! haha.

    LG - you're one of the most caring person I have ever met and because of your soul/persistence you make a difference in other people's lives ...especially in the Deaf Community.

  5. And that's another reason why we should leave it up to God, He will come through. And He did. I will trust Him to come through again tomorrow :)