This morning was the first time that I didn't get mad at myself for being late to work. I actually felt at peace, I changed my routine a little this morning and decided to have breakfast before I put my make up on and stuff. I usually eat breakfast at work. I just felt a little bit more open today. When I parked and arrived at the garage before going to my desk, I realized that I left my jacket in the car. I was so happy that it has gotten warm again where I don't need my jacket again. I remember when fall/winter was starting and I was excited to wear my jacket with my cute scarf and hat and feel safe and warm when I put the jacket on. It's weird how different we feel at each season. Then I realized something right there and then. I just accepted it. That is why God created seasons to change our routine and actually make us appreciate life in a different way. Well how about that? God is one step ahead of us and has been changing our routine without us realizing it!? That just to show how much He knows us and that if we just accept the natural order in life, it makes more sense to us spiritually. Our social order in society sometimes make sense to us humans but not to our soul. We are always at conflicts and sometimes we believe that materialistic things is the answer to it when God is the one who can heal our inner conflicts as a human and a child of God.
I have to admit something and I feel absolutely silly for saying this and I hope you won't feel offended by it. I take my job for granted. I'm always feeling depressed about my job. I always have to remind myself that there are people out there who don't have jobs or health insurance where they probably need it worse than I do! I don't have a micromanaging boss - actually sometimes it feels like I don't have a boss at all!!! I have these feelings sometimes because of my memories from RIT and I recently visited RIT for a recruiting event. I went to NTID Career Center where I used to work with the employment advisor staff. They are the *BEST* staff I have ever worked with. Truly the best. The atmosphere at RIT is so positive and so engaging and so warm. I miss it terribly. This doesn't mean that I want my old job back but it means I wish I could have that feeling again with my current staff at work. It's very awkward here and I feel like there is no leader and that we are pretty much left to our own devices. Then again this morning, I realized something else...God is my leader. He brought me here for a reason, maybe not to depend on my staff for keeping me feeling engaged and satisfied but to show me that He can keep me satisfied no matter where I am.
Also, I have a question. Do you ever feel like you have to wait for New Year's or your birthday or some special event to "start over"? Like what the book has said, that we should keep transforming ourselves to help us let go more and more. I like that because I have to say that when I went through "changes" from college, to being a wife, and working as a government employee that it has always been for the better. I have to make sure that the transformation is aimed at the direction where my soul is coordinated/aligned with God's plan for me.
Well my birthday is coming up soon, maybe I should focus on how to improve my attitude and my positive thinking and LIVING in this world. Then for May, for mother's day, I would like to improve my relationship with my mother and make her feel appreciated. I always feel like she deserves more than what she gets from me sometimes. I love how she has no expectations and unconditional love for me that I will never take for granted. For June, I would like to focus on my relationship with my husband and cherish all the times we have had together and plan with God for our future :) Then July, I will appreciate what America has done for me! You get the idea!!! It will be like Lent every month or something. I have to figure out the details before my birthday! :)